Yoga Tells Us to Listen to Our Bodies—Mine Told Me to Stop Doing Yoga
A few years ago, I often found myself searching for stillness. I started going to yoga classes whenever I could find time—there was something about holding postures and breathing through my discomfort that perfectly translated to what I was feeling in my life. I found I could gain composure in chaos, and when I rested in savasana, the final resting pose, I felt almost blissful.
Savasana was every bit as important as the most challenging poses, I discovered. Learning to be still was a challenging process, but it was so beneficial. I saw it translate into my life in many important ways.
I became so invested in yoga that I attended two- and three-hour workshops on weekends. When I wanted more, I enrolled in a six-month yoga teacher training course that ended in a weekend in the woods of West Virginia. By the time I started training clients on my own, in my basement and at local studios, I was a total yoga junkie. I was learning new techniques all the time and using them in my own life, as well as with my students. My practice evolved and grew, and I did too. As I stepped on my mat every day, without fail, I vowed I always would.
But time went on, and I found myself getting bored and restless with yoga. I'd gotten into yoga after the birth of my first child, and after I had a second baby, my time for longer practices was gone. My yoga practice became reduced to sitting on my mat for a few minutes a day, doing a few restorative poses, usually with my baby latched onto my chest.
My yoga practice wasn't eliminated from my life, but it had massively shifted. I felt I was a bad yogi because I didn't have the time to commit to it anymore, and even when I did, I was often too exhausted to do anything but sit and breathe, or put my legs up the wall. It was still yoga, I told myself, but it didn't feel like I was doing much of anything at all.
As I stepped on my mat every day, without fail, I vowed I always would.
As my children grew, slowly, time for yoga came back into my life. The time came when I could turn on a show and perform a home practice, or drop them at the gym daycare center and attend a yoga class—and I did. I started going to yoga again, but I wasn't loving my practice anymore.
In fact, I didn't feel connected to it at all. I felt distant and distracted. But because yoga demands concentration, the more distracted I felt, the more I forced myself to stay on the mat, to recommit. I regained a little core strength. I got bendy again. But I was also bored. The more I practiced, the further I felt from yoga.
One day, I rolled out my yoga mat and began a 45-minute long practice in my living room while my kids played outside. Within five minutes I was bored out of my mind. "I don't want to do this!" I said out loud, for no one but me to hear. And saying the words felt like relief.
Instead, I got my dusty set of dumbells that I hadn't touched in years and put myself through a grueling 30-minute high-intensity interval workout. And afterward, as I sat stretching on my mat, I felt sore and sweaty and amazing. It had been just what I needed.
I'd been so committed to practicing yoga that I'd forgotten that my body could do other things besides yoga too. The next time I dropped off my kids at the gym daycare, I skipped my usual yoga class. Instead, I went for a long, hard run on the treadmill. For years, I'd stayed away from running. I had always struggled with it and never enjoyed doing it—but suddenly, my body was craving it.
Soon, I was able to go for longer and long runs. I did HIIT workouts on the regular. I still used yoga to stretch, and sometimes, just to sit and breathe for a few minutes. I tried to practice mindfulness in my daily life. Yoga was still a part of me, and I felt grateful for all of the knowledge I had picked up over the years—but I was no longer a yoga junkie.
At first, I felt like a slacker, like I had completely bailed on something that had been so important to me simply because I didn't feel like doing it anymore. But then I remembered something, one of yoga's most important teachings—listen to your body.
Yes, I had moved away from a more serious yoga practice, but in a sense, I was still practicing yoga because I was listening to what my body wanted and needed from me. It just didn't look like yoga—at least not all the time. It looked like running, jumping, squatting, lunging, and doing push-ups. It looked like running for miles at my local park or plodding on the treadmill. It looked like lifting weights and doing whatever kind of workout I wanted to do that day.
Once in a while, I still go to yoga or follow a short practice on YouTube to stretch out my muscles. And it feels like a good balance. But I don't need yoga in the way that I once did. And I've decided that that's totally OK.
I was still practicing yoga because I was listening to what my body wanted and needed from me.
I'm sure there will be a time, maybe even in the near future, that I become a yoga junkie once more. I might start craving those 90-minute practices, working on my balance and finding my inner peace. I might even fall in love with savasana all over again.
But right now, I'm going to keep on listening to my body and doing what serves it. It might make me a little bit of a yoga drop-out. But I think that yoga can come in many different forms, and it has many different lessons. Perhaps the most powerful one of all is to simply tune in and listen to what you need. That's exactly what I'm going to do.
Sarah Bregel is a mother, writer, feminist, and deep-breather. She's been published all over the internet and in print. Her work has been included in multiple anthologies, and she is currently writing her first book, a memoir about marriage and motherhood. Find her on Facebook or on Twitter @SarahBregel.
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How to Stay Positive When Everyone Around You Is Negative
It's so easy to end up in a bad mood when someone close to you is feeling down. Being there for our friends, family, and partners when they're going through a hard time is really important, especially if they're experiencing something genuinely traumatic, like the loss of a loved one. On the other hand, we all have at least one friend who throws a helluva pity-party when they're just not feeling good about themselves or the world around them.
When our friends are down—whatever the situation is—it's also critical that we take care of ourselves. It can be hard to take an emotional step back when people close to you are going through a funk, but once you're sucked into that black hole of negativity, it can be even harder to fight your way out.
Emotions Really Are Contagious
Ever wonder why someone else's moods can affect you so much? A 2017 study found that teens who surrounded themselves with negative friends also found their moods to worsen over time, a process known as social contagion.
"Scientifically, we talk about the mirror neurons in the brain that are purposely created so we can be empathically able to experience what someone else is feeling," says Kate Dow, Ph.D., a psychologist and certified wellness coach for women. "The challenge is if you are a very sensitive person, that empathy becomes an open door to taking on other people's feelings and not being able to have a sense of self to hold onto."
"It's the way we're wired," says Jonathan Alpert, psychotherapist and author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days. "We try to connect to people, and we do that first by picking up on how they feel and then bringing a level of understanding and support."
So when your Facebook friend from high school decides to post for the tenth time today about how much her life sucks, or when your coworker is counteracting everything you say with a negative remark, here are some tips from life experts to keep your sanity intact.
1. Acknowledge your funk.
If you've fallen into negative thinking because of your friend, the first step toward a positive mindset is consciously accepting that you're currently in a state of negativity. "Knowing that you've fallen into it is a huge advantage," Dow says.
2. Give yourself a pep talk.
If you know you're going to see someone who's in a bad place emotionally, prepare yourself before you interact with them. Dow suggests giving yourself a pep talk before going in—one that acknowledges the fact that you're going to face this person, that they will be upset, and end with an affirmation stating that you will choose not to take on their emotions. This way, you can have more perspective on your friend's situation and you'll give yourself more of a choice about whether or not to be upset, Dow says.
Try pushing the negative self-doubt away by giving yourself a compliment.
3. Get your friend out of their head.
If you're stuck hearing about your friend's frustration over their boss and how everything is going wrong for them, your initial reaction may be to nod in agreement. But Alpert suggests a different route: Allow your friend to vent for a few minutes, then redirect.
"If someone is complaining all the time and you're agreeing with them, you're reinforcing that behavior, and that may not be so healthy," says Alpert. Offer an alternative way to look at solutions, such as discussing what's going well in their life or a shared interest.
Of course, this advice is only good for smaller irritations—if your friend is going through something life-altering, it's good to let them talk about their feelings as much as they may need to.
4. Set boundaries.
"We only have so much we can give to people," Alpert says. "Make sure you're taking care of yourself and your needs are met." When we get wrapped up in friends' and loved ones' drama, we can forget about ourselves. But when you're at your wit's end with your pal, setting time apart could be what heals your friendship. Focus on other activities you love or spend time with other people in your life. "Not hanging out with them isn't about being mean or judgmental," Dow says. "It's self-care, and ultimately, it's each of our responsibilities to ourselves."
5. Step away from technology.
Being connected at all times has its downsides, and if you're dealing with your BFF's issues at 11 p.m., you're setting yourself up for problems. Try turning off your phone, removing social media apps, or even deactivating accounts until you're feeling better. "If you don't take a break, your brain and body are experiencing high-stress stakes constantly, and chronic stress can lead to getting sick," Dow says.
6. Show gratitude.
A gateway to a positive mind starts by appreciating what you have. In fact, a study performed at the University of Miami found a link between gratitude and happiness. Two groups wrote something every day about their lives: One group focused on things they were grateful for; the other, their irritations. The participants who wrote about gratitude felt happier and better about themselves after ten weeks than the group who focused on griping. And like negativity, gratitude spreads: Another study found that couples who expressed gratitude for one another had more loving, trustworthy relationships.
7. Practice being kind to yourself.
We're our worst critics, and once we're in a bad mood, we can't help but continue to beat ourselves down. Try pushing the negative self-doubt away by giving yourself a compliment. "Positive focus helps support our positive mindset," Dow says. She suggests setting an intention every day promoting a healthier, kinder attitude.
8. Reframe your thoughts.
If you catch yourself using a lot of negative phrases and bringing yourself down, try looking at the bigger picture. "Repeating negative narratives is really going to put someone in a funk," Alpert says. So be kind to yourself—and change the narrative.
9. Consider whether this is someone you want in your life.
No one likes to break up with a friend, but if someone is bringing a lot of negativity into your life—or if you suspect they may be toxic—you should reevaluate whether or not you want to spend time with them. It's an extreme case, but at times, it's necessary. Figure out how much this friend means to you and how important it is to maintain that friendship, Dow says.
Bianca Mendez is a writer in New York covering health, sex, relationships, and beauty. Follow her on Instagram @biancammendez and Twitter @biancamendezz.
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