Health-Fitness Tips,Tricks And How To Tutorials Which Will Help To Live Life Healthy-Wealthy And Enjoyable Forever.
Sheet Pan Pork Tenderloin
Pork tenderloin acts as the star of the show, while sweet potatoes, pineapple and onions provide a strong supporting cast — resulting in one impressive production.
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Classic at-home barre workout
You can do this classic barre workout at home, or anywhere! All you need is a pair of light dumbbells and sturdy piece of furniture to hold onto for balance.
Hey hey friends! How’s the week treating ya? I hope you’re having a great one. The girls and I are having a blast now that they’re officially out of school. We’ve been hitting up the splash pad, playing in the rain, doing arts and crafts, watching movies, and baking. It’s pretty much the best ever. I’ve just been enjoying having them home, and workout-wise, I’ve been sneaking it in when I can. Sometimes if the Pilot is home, I can escape for a Heart Rize class or to the gym for a Lean Machine workout. Sometimes, I’ll sneak into the garage for a quick strength or spin workout, or into our bedroom for a streaming dance or barre workout. Liv usually has “quiet time” while P is napping, so if she’s watching a movie or reading, I can catch a quick workout at home.
After all this time, I still love barre workouts and look forward to them every week. They challenge your muscles in an entirely different way, work the often-neglected muscle groups (oh hey, adductors), and from a vanity standpoint, my legs look leaner when I add barre into the mix. My favorite barre workouts tend to be a more traditional mix of endurance work with HIIT intervals. We’re kicking it old school with this classic barre workout!
Here’s an at-home barre workout I put together for ya.
Barre workout form cues and tips:
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Faves from the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale
Hey hey! Happy Wednesday! I hope your morning is going well. The girls and I are heading to the pool, and I’m looking forward to catching a lean machine workout at the gym later today. Even though I’m only wrapping up a month on the plan, I definitely feel stronger and more energized. I’ve also been focusing on more balanced eating – when the Pilot was gone, and I was super stressed with the health stuff, I skipped some meals and then for quick energy, I ate a lot of chocolate-covered pecans – and definitely notice a difference in how I feel.
Today, I wanted to share some of my faves from the Nordstrom half-yearly sale! They have SO many amazing things that are marked down up to 40% off this week..
Here are my top picks from the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale
Clothing:
I have 4 of these shirts, and they’re only $27.90 right now. They’re the perfect shirt when you still want to look put-together but are in a rush. I just throw one on with jeans or leggings and toss my hair into a messy bun.
This knit maxi dress is perfect for summer parties + you can dress it up or down.
My friends Lee and Julie both LOVE this dress, and it’s only $34 right now.
The gingham in this shirt is so fresh for spring/summer.
I mentioned this in last week’s Friday Faves, but this is my fave one-piece. It’s subtly sexy, and the fit is super flattering. (When I first bought it, I had read to size up for swimsuits, but I find that this one is more true to size. I bought my regular size + one size up, and my regular size is the one that fit.)
Amazing price for these AG jeans.
Obsessed with everything about this dress, but wish the deal was a little sweeter.
Athletic wear:
Zella Good Sport High Waist Midi Leggings
This zip-front hoodie for to and from the studio.
This cute and comfy sports bra.
Handbags and accessories:
The Marc Jacobs backpack is amazing.
This lulu pendant necklace would make a great gift and is 50% off.
This rose gold tote is 40% off!
A fun tasseled necklace for $22.80.
A dressy little crossbody for all seasons.
Shoes:
Slip-on sneakers that will match anything.
Love the silver for everyday sandals.
I’ve been living in my Supergas with shorts and dresses.
These wedges look insanely comfortable.
For the kiddos:
I think I found Liv’s new favorite suit.
The cutest vintage-style dress.
A casual cold-shoulder top.
Jean shorts with heart pockets!
This unicorn two-piece rash guard.
Did you shop the half-yearly sale? Any awesome finds? Where do you usually shop online?
xo
Gina
*this post isn’t sponsored in any wa, but does include affiliate links. These links have zero impact on purchase price and enable me to earn a small kickback that I use to keep this little blog running. Thank you so much for your support! <3
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Beach, please
Hi friends! How are you? I hope you had a wonderful long weekend. We got to enjoy lots of time together as a fam, crush our to-do list (we’re majorly purging and spring cleaning right now), and escape to the beach!
The fun started Friday morning. I had already asked a babysitter to come over for a few hours so I could get a little work done, but then I remembered that the Pilot was OFF WORK. So, we started the day with a Heart Rize class.
It was total body and included a 1-mile challenge run on the Skillmills, so it crushed us in the best way possible. Some of our friends were also in the class, and it’s always fun to see everyone and get an awesome workout. It was his first time taking a class, and he loved it! He also dominated the 1-mile run. On the Skillmills, everything feels more challenging since you have to move the belt with your own strength. (AKA you don’t press “on” and the belt automatically starts moving.) For endurance type work this can be really tricky because if you move too fast, the belt will easily go above a speed you’d want to maintain for very long. You have to be strategic about pacing yourself.
We were both drenched in sweat when we left, and then went over to Birdie’s for a quick snack and work blitz.
The Pilot and I often have “nerd dates.” We spend most of the time working with our computers out, but it’s nice to be together at least. 
We came home to the girls, who were outside blowing bubbles and running around, and changed them into their swimsuits so we could hit up the splash pad.
We got gas station tacos for lunch, and then came home to relax for a while. Since we had lunch so late in the day, we skipped straight to dessert and headed out for Hawaiian ice in the rain. There’s a place downtown called Snopocalypse that has AMAZING snow cones. The ice is extremely fine (the best!), and they have 100+ flavors and use only cane sugar to sweeten them. They’re also packed with food dyes, but YOLO. We’ll definitely be back.
Friday night, the power went out from the storm, so we lit candles and lanterns and cuddled up on the couch to listen to “Little House in the Big Woods” on Audible until the girls fell asleep. We were all completely intrigued by the story and are excited to keep listening to it this week. The Pilot and I stayed up watching Shameless on the iPad until the power came back.
Saturday morning, we went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. 5 stars for their oatmeal… it’s this ridiculous apple pie oatmeal combo. So good!
(I also had a side of scrambled eggs with it.)
We spent the day playing outside with the girls, doing chores, purging all of the kitchen pantry items and the dishes we no longer want to keep, and it felt amazing. The Pilot grilled burgers for dinner, and we packed up for a little Jacksonville trip!
This was our last trip to Jacksonville for a while, so we definitely made the most of it.
Even the dogs got to join in the fun.
(Our favorite boarding facility was booked for the long weekend, so since One Ocean is pet-friendly, we packed up the pups to bring them with us.)
Some pics from the adventures:
We <3 room service
Heading out for post-swim jumping at the trampoline park and dinner
Watching Star Wars for the first time ever and… I just couldn’t get into it
Of course, our trip wasn’t complete without a trip to Trader Joe’s for allthecheeses for our next girl’s night party here at the house.
I hope you enjoyed the weekend, too! What was your favorite part?
xo
Gina
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What To Eat Before The Gym
So Your Crush Isn't Into You—Here's How to Rise Like the Beautiful Phoenix You Are
Having a "crush" sounds so trivial, but just think about the term for a second: The word crush is used to describe beating, breaking, and trampling—which is exactly how your heart feels after a fantasy love suddenly ends.
Once you know that your daydreams are never coming to fruition, how can you learn how to get over a crush? As an adult, it can be much harder to talk about your hurt feelings when many of your friends might be dealing with long-term breakups (or even divorce).
But I'm here to say: A crush is a real, strong emotion, and you have every right to feel sad, depressed, and even pissed that it's over. And this sentiment is backed by a host of psychologists and relationship experts I interviewed for advice on how to forget about your crush and move on.
Feel Your Feelings, Then Rise Like the Phoenix
When a crush is over, that pain is real. Literally. A study performed at the University of Michigan found that social rejection produced physical pain signals in the brain. Your unrequited crush may, in the words of Tommy Wiseau, be tearing you apart.
"You may feel the need to grieve. Act on it. It helps the process," says relationship expert Caleb Backe. Backe insists that even one-sided relationships take an emotional toll, so you need to take a moment to let yourself feel the pain.
Still, this hurt won't last, and you may turn out the better for it, according to Backe. "Think of yourself as a phoenix who needs to burst into flame and 'die'—before being reborn." That may sound a bit melodramatic, but when it comes to a hard crush, I think it's the perfect level of dramatic. So take some time to be sad, then listen to this song on repeat and become your fiery, white-hot self.
Let the Dream Die
"I think it's more the loss of the dream than anything else," says licensed mental health counselor Erin Parisi. She goes on to say that most of the pain of crushing comes from developing an elaborate fantasy around your would-be partner. "We usually fantasize about how great dating the person would be. We don't fantasize about the dishes in the sink, dirty laundry, farts in bed, amiright?"
Parisi recommends imagining what the relationship would be like in real life. "They definitely have habits that would annoy you, a family member who gets on your nerves, smelly morning breath, or a cat you're allergic to." Since the crush started in your imagination, you can use your mind to put it to an end. Parisi adds a hopeful message: "There's a reason the crush came to an end. You're better off crushing on someone new!"
Get Out
It's tempting to dwell on the last time you talked to your crush or social-media stalk whoever they recently started dating, but it won't help you move on. Instead, you need to get out—both literally and figuratively.
Licensed marriage and family counselor Heidi McBain recommends going out and having a good time with a close friend. Since the crush was such a mental affair, it's best to get out of your head and relate to other people instead. McBain suggests talking to friends, family, or a therapist about the emotional pain you are experiencing, which she says can help you recover faster. Or you can discuss the constant disappointment that is The Bachelor with your pals. Either way, the social connection and break from your swirling thoughts will do you good.
Also, this is an ideal moment to have some real "me" time. "Figure out what else is important in your life and spend more mental energy on these pursuits," says Kelsey Torgerson, MSW, LCSW. By putting that crush intensity into something productive, you could learn a skill or master a new hobby. Even if you simply try something different and start meeting new people, you'll feel that crushing pain fade away.
Since you're already out meeting new people, you might find yourself wanting to date again. "This crush might have been getting in the way of you wholly pursuing an available romantic partner," Torgerson says. When you spend half your time daydreaming about a Hawaiian vacation with a person who's not really into you, you're probably missing all the wonderful people who are interested. By letting go of the fantasy, you might make your relationship goals a reality.
Next time those crush-y feelings start tingling in your chest, don't develop an elaborate dream world about your relationship. Just talk to the person. Ask a mutual friend to hook you up or use Facebook to do something other than argue with your weird uncle. Worst-case scenario, the other person isn't interested and you can move on, sparing yourself a lot of heartache. Best-case scenario, all your wonderful dreams of your crush come true—with somebody better.
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I Lost 130 Pounds—but Discovered That My Weight Wasn’t the Real Problem
When I was heavy, I would stand in front of the mirror constantly. I'd examine every inch of my body and dream about the day I could wear clothes smaller than a XXL. Sometimes, I'd picture myself on a beach, confidently wearing a bikini. I weighed 300 pounds at the time, and those visions felt like they would never become a reality.
I've struggled with my weight for most of my life. I was chubby as a child, then hit full-blown obesity by age 14. I would start fad diets, lose 20 pounds, and gain back 30. Nothing worked. Relatedly, I had very negative opinions of myself. I hated myself for getting so big. I would avoid hanging out with friends because I was afraid they were ashamed of me. I hated going out in public because I worried strangers would judge me. Rather than embracing who I was, I let the idea that I needed to be a certain size hold me back in every way.
It wasn't until my senior year of high school—when a new gym opened close to my home—that I got serious about losing weight. I started waking up at 5 a.m. to go to the gym with my mom and do a half hour on the elliptical. I started gradually losing pounds by exercising and following a simple, healthy diet.
When people ask me what made me decide to lose weight at that moment in my life, I don't really have an answer. It just clicked. It could've been because high school was ending and I wanted to "start fresh" for college or because adding exercise to my daily routine genuinely got me excited to get out of bed each morning.
After joining the gym, I felt like I had more of a purpose. Exercising felt like a little secret I had—other people didn't see my results quickly, so every time someone made a comment about my weight, I would just think to myself, If only they knew how hard I worked on the elliptical this morning.
By the end of high school, I was down 50 pounds. My diet consisted mostly of protein, fruits, and veggies, with occasional, healthy carbohydrates. I cut out soda and fast food. The weight continued to melt off, and I followed my routine through the first year of college. I even started to run and do some strength training. Before I knew it, it was sophomore year, and I was down 130 pounds.
Rather than embracing who I was, I let the idea that I needed to be a certain size hold me back in every way.
You might assume that I felt great at this point. I'd completely revamped my wardrobe, after all—I even bought myself that bikini I'd always wanted. But something was off. Where there used to be fat and plumpness on my arms, stomach, and thighs, now there was loose skin. I felt defeated.
Instead of being proud of myself for losing all the weight, I beat myself up for getting so big to begin with, causing this extra skin to hang from my body. I thought I would be beaming with confidence, but instead, I just wanted to hide all the time. I even kept all my pre-weight-loss clothes because they still felt more comfortable than my new jeans or the bodycon dress my mom bought to congratulate me on my weight loss.
I spent the next two years visiting doctors, personal trainers, and spas to try and get my skin tight. Strength training didn't help, lotion didn't help, even the weird Saran wrap thing I put myself in for an hour every weekend didn't make a difference.
My doctor told it to me straight. "You're going to have to get surgery to get the skin removed. You can't fix it on your own." But plastic surgery freaked me out, so I figured I would just live with it. I'd find a way to become comfortable with my body—excess skin and all.
It wasn't until I started dating someone that I realized how much I needed to work on my self-esteem. I cared a lot about what he thought, I discovered, and I had a constant fear of not looking good enough or having my "imperfect" body touched. Starting this relationship gave so much anxiety I started going to therapy.
My first session was tough. My therapist told me I grappled with fear of intimacy, and after I told her that I wouldn't even let family or friends touch or hug me, she explained that I was too scared to be vulnerable with someone, in either a romantic or platonic way. I was holding myself back in a lot of areas in my life—jobs, friendships, relationships—because I just didn't feel good internally.
My therapist also suggested I really look into skin removal surgery because it could give me the confidence boost I needed to feel comfortable in my own skin, so I gave plastic surgery a second thought. I tried to tell myself that people should love me for who I am, no matter what size, but if I wasn't happy with myself, how could I ever show my true self to people?
I was holding myself back in a lot of areas in my life—jobs, friendships, relationships—beacuse I just didn't feel good internally.
So after six months of research and consultations with plastic surgeons, I got a tummy tuck. It was supposed to be the first of two surgeries—I was going to do my arms and legs next. But then something changed, and I started to view myself in a different light.
I stopped thinking, I will be happy when... and started thinking, I am great the way I am now. I read books by Gabrielle Bernstein and Jen Sincero that helped me work on myself mentally and emotionally. I continued to exercise, but in a different way—I signed up for races, tried different classes like boxing and CrossFit, and worked out with intention of reaching fitness goals, rather than losing weight.
Instead of focusing on my looks, I've now started to focus on positive things in my life, like having a supportive family, great friends, and a blossoming career. When I feel down, I journal, go to therapy, or meditate. I've even gained back a little weight, and it doesn't bother me. I've learned that I am so much more than my size.
It took me eight years to realize that being a certain weight doesn't fix all your problems or make your life easier, and I'm almost ashamed to admit that I used to think the way I did—I would never want anyone else to think their value lies in how much they weigh. In the end, my weight-loss journey has been more about changing my self-perception than my body—and the emotional journey has proven much harder, and more rewarding, than the physical one.
Alexa Pipia is a social media editor in New York City, and received her master's at the CUNY Graduate School of Journalism. When she's not writing, you can find her honing her boxing technique or running a race. Follow her on Twitter or Instagram.
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A Simple Charcuterie Board That Will Impress Guests Without Stressing You Out
This article is sponsored by Daisy Cottage Cheese.
The easiest way to be a rockstar host? Put out a killer charcuterie plate. It's the perfect party food: It can be prepped ahead of time, is easily customizable, and looks super 'grammable.
But with so many ingredients to choose from, putting one together can get overwhelming. That's why we tapped Heartbeet Kitchen's Amanda Paa. She's a pro at serving up insanely delicious, healthy recipes, and this charcuterie board she created for us is one we're going to make over and over and over again.
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Is Running Outside Really Better Than Miles on the Treadmill?
It's a debate that's been going on for years: Is it better to run on the treadmill or stick to the great outdoors? While there are some people who will defend one side over the other with cult-like loyalty, most runners have finally realized that both indoor and outdoor exercise are critical to a well-rounded routine.
"It's like asking which fruit is better for you," says Rebecca Kennedy, a master instructor at Peloton Tread. "They all have their own unique benefits!"
That's why the real question isn't what's better overall but what could work best for you right now? Your goals can differ, and your running should too. So rather than choosing one over the other, it's better to know the benefits and drawbacks to both forms, then opt for the running style that's the perfect fit for you right here, right now. Here's what you need to know when choosing where to log those miles.
Why the Treadmill Rocks
It's lower impact.
Runners tend to have lower stride lengths and higher stride rates on a treadmill compared to running outside, and research from the journal Sports Health found that can translate to less impact on weight-bearing joints (ankles, knees, hips). But that study was conducted in 2014—now, slat-belt treadmills are on the scene (in both Woodway machines and the new Peloton Tread), and those provide even more cushion.
Also, as a side note, the whole "running is bad for your knees" argument is ready to be put to rest: A recent study in Arthritis Care & Research analyzed more than 2,500 people's exercise habits throughout their lifetime and found that those who reported running on a regular basis were less likely to report frequent knee pain or have symptoms of osteoarthritis compared to non-runners.
You'll probably burn more calories.
There are a lot of factors that determine whether you'll burn more calories indoor or out—what type of run you're doing and for how long, for starters. But, on average, Siik says it's likely that you'll torch more on the tread. "Because many people are now interval training on a treadmill, there's a much higher level of focus and workload, and they are seeing a much bigger calorie burn," he says.
That said, if a high-calorie burn is your main goal, outdoor runs shouldn't be completely dismissed. Wind and resistance can force you to work harder, and your body burns extra calories to regulate body temperature when you're out in hot or cold weather. "Outdoor running also forces your legs to create turnover and use the ground as resistance, which is harder than tackling miles on a moving belt," Kennedy says. The trick is to make sure these variables don't impact your pace. "If you slow down because of them, then the tread wins."
It's efficient and effective.
If you don't have a ton of time to sweat, the tread wins. Not only is it easy—simply hop on and press start—it's also completely under your control. Plus, you don't have to think about all the changing variables that outdoor running can present, like getting stuck at crosswalk after crosswalk.
There's zero concern about weather.
When you hit the trails, road, or track, weather is something you always have to think about and prepare for.
"In the summer, you need to run outdoors when it's not as hot and the sun isn't directly overhead. And in the winter, it's best to get out there when the sun is out," Kennedy says. All of that goes away on the treadmill—hello, flexibility!
By the way, if it is crappy outside, you're not more of a "badass" runner by forcing yourself to stay outside. "There's always good weather indoors!" says Kennedy.
There's less risk of injury.
Yes, you could fly off the back of the treadmill, but that's why the little red safety clip is there (yep, you really should use it). And, well, no such clip exists when you run outdoors, where the odds of getting hurt go up, says David Siik, program and content director of Precision Running at Equinox. "Outdoors pose the risk of getting hit by a car, rolling an ankle on uneven ground, even causing sun damage (people often forget this can be an issue)," he explains.
Something else to consider is how safe you feel while running alone. "If you need to do your workouts before the sun comes up or after it sets, and you don't feel comfortable running outside, the tread is the best pivot," notes Kennedy.
There's easy access to help.
If you run at a gym, there are constantly trainers, first-aid kits, and staff members on hand in case something goes awry. Plus, there's quick access to water (that you don't have to carry), which isn't always feasible for outdoor runners.
Why the Outdoors Are Amazing
You can still go low impact.
Yes, treadmills have less impact than most surfaces found outdoors, but that doesn't mean you can't have a low-impact run outside. Light-colored concrete is the hardest to run on, Siik says, so avoid that whenever possible. "If you can, opt for a dirt trail, short grass, the beach, or your local high school track to reduce impact," he explains. "Even blacktop is softer than sidewalk concrete, especially when the sun warms the tars and oils and creates a softer surface."
It can support better bone growth.
The softer surface of a treadmill produces less impact on bones and connective tissue, but that also means you won't stimulate quite as much bone growth. Over time, a lack of bone growth could result in injury due to bone loss, which is what happens when old bone is broken down faster than new bone is made.
That said, running on a treadmill doesn't mean all of these things are going to happen. Exercise helps stimulate new bone growth regardless, but the outdoors may have a slight edge in this category thanks to harder surfaces.
And your butt can get stronger.
Siik suggests that unless you're on a self-powered treadmill, you're probably not recruiting your hamstring muscles as much as you would outdoors. That's because the ground is already moving underneath you, and every time your foot lands in front of you, the treadmill belt brings it back—an action that your hammies and glutes are usually in charge of. When you're outside, those muscles don't get a break—meaning you'll build that booty faster.
... as will your lateral movement.
Runners are notorious for having weak lateral muscles because running predominantly requires you to move in one direction—forward. That's even more prevalent in treadmill-only runners, as there's never any change in direction. But if you head outside, Siik says you'll naturally work in sideways movement when you turn and move around unexpected objects. Another benefit: Lateral movement improves coordination skills and helps build stability around the ankles and feet, adds Siik.
You'll reap more mental benefits.
You can't breathe in fresh air, feel a gentle breeze blow through your hair, or bask in the sun warming your skin when you run on the treadmill, but being in nature can contribute to a better state of mind. Research from the University of Exeter found that when people hit the open road, they experience a greater energy boost, along with a drop in tension, anger, and depression—compared to an indoor run.
You learn to adapt.
"Outdoor running conditions the body to make unexpected physical changes, like stepping over a curb, turning a hard left, or maneuvering around people," Siik says. "These things are important to keep a strong and stable body."
Kennedy says that if you're training for a race, outdoor running also prepares you—both mentally and physically—for elements that are out of your control. Constantly changing terrain and weather can have a big impact on your mental game come race day, but if you prepare for them with outdoor training runs, they're less likely to throw you off when it counts.
Samantha Lefave is a freelance writer who is living, eating, and sweating her way around the world. You can find her Instagramming her favorite destinations, squeezing a Friends quote into every conversation she can or—when there's downtime—eating peanut butter straight from the jar.
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Learn to Talk Dirty Without Wanting to Die
While talking dirty seems to come easily to some people, for the rest of us, it can feel (extremely) awkward and unnatural—especially when we first get started. As with any other sexual situation, nobody should do something if it makes them feel genuinely uncomfortable, but if you're simply curious but nervous, here are some excellent ways to ease into a whole new form of conversation.
Start Slowly...
"These things take practice!" says sexual health advocate, director, and adult film performer Jessica Drake. "Moans are great, followed by things like, 'Yesssss… and 'right there,' or 'lower!' Drake says what works best here is to use phrases and terminology that are part of your normal vocabulary—just emphasize their sexiness.
"Describe something your partner is doing in that moment," she says. "For instance, 'I love it when you ________' and 'Your ______ is so ______!' It's like adult Mad Libs!"
It can also be fun to use all the dirty words that pop into your mind when you fantasize. "If there was ever a time for the F-word, it's now," Drake says. "Even if you breathe it softly in your lover's ear, it can have a big impact."
... Even Quietly
Building from a slow burn also applies to tone of voice, which is so important when talking dirty. "Nobody wants to be screamed at by a drill sergeant when you're getting down to business (unless you're into that sort of thing!)" says Miss Fox UK, who works professionally talking dirty on the iWantPhone.com platform. "Try talking really slowly and sensually, whispering naughty words into your partner's ear, and accentuating words like 'hard,' 'wet,' and 'lips.' That will really get your partner going!" she says.
Or Go Solo to Start
"You need to get used to saying the words, feeling them roll off your tongue, hearing them come out of your mouth," says Laurel House, dating coach and resident sexpert for My First Blush. "One way to get into this is to dirty-talk to yourself out loud when you masturbate. Get comfortable with it. Then start slowly dropping in a statement or asking a question in the dirty-talk style while having sex," she says. Don't pressure yourself too much—you don't need to go full throttle and talk throughout your entire sex session, after all.
Remember That Nobody's Recording This
"Find absolute solace in the fact that nobody will ever hear you utter these words again," says fetish model and adult performer Allie Eve Knox. "So no matter how bad you are at this, nobody is going to play back that one time you described that very dirty experience."
Let Them Take the Lead
If you're really uncomfortable exchanging dirty talk with your partner, then ease into it by mirroring their tone. Simple commentary like, "Mmmm that's making me so hot/hard/wet," can keep things spicy and moving along well. "Shorter is better—especially as you expand your comfort zone," says Antonia Hall, M.A., psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. If you ask complicated questions that force your partner to have to stop and think, it could actually break the flow and mood.
"If you want some inspiration, try reading erotica," she says. "Or if you're feeling especially brave, read it to your partner as foreplay and let things unfold from there."
Eye Contact, Eye Contact, Eye Contact
"If you want to know if what you're saying is having its desired effect, don't be afraid to look your partner dead in the eye as you speak those seductive words," Fox says. "But make sure you're not looking like a deer in headlights—be relaxed and confident with what you say."
Ask for What You Want
If there's something you've been dreaming about, put it into words and ask for what you've been craving. "This can amp up the action in the form of requests," Drake says, suggesting options like, "Spank me!" (if you're into that) "Bend me over and _____," or "Do you want to ______ my _______?"
There's nothing off-limits as long as it's true to who you and your partner are. "I think to be able to talk dirty in bed starts with you being comfortable in your own skin," says adult star Daizha Morgann. Be vocal—and genuine.
"Do not, under any circumstances, put on an elaborate fake act—your partner will sense it and question their ability to really make you feel good," Morgann says. You don't need to play any role when hitting the sheets. Be you—just a more amplified, fearless-with-your-words version of yourself. If you're normally the kind of person who says "darn it," when you stub your toe, don't feel pressure to be over-the-top vulgar in bed.
Don't Overthink It
Don't think too much—just go with the flow and say what's on your mind. "Tell your partner how much they are turning you on, how good that thrusting is feeling, how hot their body is, and how naughty they are making you feel," Morgann says.
"The biggest sex rant I hear from both my male and female followers is about the dreaded 'silent sex.' Sex should be a time to really let loose—physically and mentally! Start slow when gearing up for dirty talk, with moaning and playful small talk, and you'll really get to know a side of yourself that has been dying to come out."
Expand the Scene
Talking dirty isn't just for the bedroom. What better way to get your partner all amped up than to send a few dirty text messages during the day? The classics are classic for a reason, Fox says. "Telling them what you'll be wearing and what you want to do to them when you get home never fails to have its desired effect," she says. Just make sure you're messaging the right person before you hit send!
Build Your Way Up
Dirty talk is most successful when you create imagery so vivid that your fantasies feel real and in the moment. Details and description can help you get there. "Overly describe every single step you would take, from eyeing them across the room, to undressing your partner, to the sexy things you want to be doing to them tonight," Knox says. Describe all five senses you want to experience: what their body smells like, tastes like, etc. And then, just let go.
To up your game even further, Drake suggests watching an adult movie together and providing commentary while you do—then ask your partner if you'd like it if you perform the acts you're watching on them.
Most Importantly: Don't Stress
The whole point of dirty talk is to have fun. "Sex is fun, awkward, hot, messy, funny, and everything in-between. If you say the wrong words or talking too dirty just feels cheesy to you, laugh it off and keep going," Drake says.
Aly Walansky is a New York-based lifestyles writer. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @alywalansky.
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How Jorge Made Health and Fitness a Family Affair
After a scare at the doctor’s office, Jorge decided to turn around his health — and his brothers followed closely in his footsteps.
The post How Jorge Made Health and Fitness a Family Affair appeared first on Under Armour.
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Friday Faves
Hi friends! The weekend is heeeeere. I’d love to hear what you’re up to! I’m excited for the long weekend with the fam and the chance to head to the beach. I’m ready to splash in the waves with the girls and drink a margarita with the Pilot. Are you staying in town or heading out for a roadtrip or vacay this weekend?
In standard Friday fashion, here are some faves from the week and around the web. I always love to hear what you’re enjoying, too, so please shout out your faves in the comments below.
(pic from Livi’s kindergarten graduation. I only cried a little.)
Fashion + Beauty:
Beautycounter is having an awesome free gift promo! Spend $125+ and get a body butter or travel-sized cleansing balm for free. The cleansing balm is one of my all-time favorite products – it removes makeup beautifully and you can leave a thin layer on overnight for a moisturizing mask – and the little travel-sized jar lasts forever. Check out all of the goodies here! (If you need help picking out products, I highly recommend the charcoal mask, the rejuvenating serum, the dew skin, and the lip glosses.)
(If you sign up for Band of Beauty, you get an even sweeter deal with 15% product credit back and a free full-sized sugar body scrub. Let me know if you have any questions!)
My fave one-piece is ON SALE. I lived in this suit last summer! It’s sexy without being over-the-top and is super flattering.
Good reads + random:
I’m currently listening to Big Magic on Audible and am enjoying it even more than I expected. I found that fiction books don’t usually translate as well for me on the audio version – for some reason, I prefer reading the pages myself – but for nonfiction, audio tends to win. This is also because I usually read *real* books before bed and if the subject matter depends on using my brain too much, I fall asleep. My brain power seems to dwindle as the day goes on.
Anyway, I highly recommend it and like listening to Elizabeth Gilbert’s voice.
I feel like I need a Shameless support group. We’re only on Season 3 and just when we think there’s NO WAY something crazier can happen, it totally does.
This is where I put on my sleep mask and say “goodnight.”
A simple checklist for the day.
Fitness:
Let’s all get up and dance with our favorite guy.
A circuit that will leave your legs on fiiiiire.
Food:
Reunited with our beloved sourdough. Last year up until this winter, we were enjoying homemade sourdough (Jen’s recipe!) at least once a week. I’d slice it up, freeze whatever was left (sometimes it wasn’t much) and enjoy it with my daily egg scramble in the morning, or in the afternoon with butter. The girls are obsessed with it, and between the 3 of us, we’ll easily demolish a loaf within a day or two.
Sometime this winter when we were out of town, I unintentionally killed my starter. I left it on the counter so I’d remember to feed it, and when we returned, it was a nasty mess. It was destined for the trash can, and I didn’t order another one since we’d be traveling a lot this summer. When Liv was talking about homemade bread in her Mother’s Day card (she said she loves when we bake bread together), I ordered new starter that night. And now it’s back in our lives and everything feels right in the world again.
These tacos are happening ASAP.
Can’t wait to try this spin on chia pudding.
Blast from the past: why I love collagen so much.
Memorial Day sales!
So many awesome sales this weekend. Hands in the air if you’re wearing your shopping pants. (I feel like I never take them off haha.)
Here are some fave finds:
J. Crew 40% off with code GETAWAY. About a month ago, I ordered this swimsuit in red and love it. It’s in a bold, bright color and fits really well. Also obsessed with this tunic, this racerback dress, and this button-front dress.
Express everything up to 50% off. Love this gingham off-shoulder top, this floral romper, and this striped midi.
This dress is less than $50 right now:
Old Navy: so many different deals off tees, tanks, dresses, and swim.
gap up to 50% off everything + extra 20% online. WHAT. I’m definitely going to order some summer play clothes for the kiddos.
Crate and Barrel: up to 40% off outdoor furniture.
Banana Republic is 40% off + free 3-5 day shipping with orders over $100. Code: BRSHIP
Kate Spade extra 30% off sale with code GREATFIND
Madewell 20% off dresses with code PRETTYPLEASE. This one is my fave!
Nordstrom half-yearly sale is here! I’ll be sharing some of my top picks next week, but in the meantime, here’s the link for amazing shoes, activewear, and accessories all on sale.
Happy Friday, friends. I’ll be taking some off time from the blog for the long weekend, but will be back here on Tuesday.
Have a wonderful and safe holiday weekend!
xo
Gina
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What You've Always Wanted to Know About Supplements
Not a day goes by when I don’t see an article claiming some new supplement will change my life. Take this for better sleep! Try that for less anxiety! This is definitely missing from your morning routine. This little pill fixed that crazy-famous celebrity’s super-relatable problem. Trade in everything and try this single supplement superhero!
Is your head spinning yet? Mine is. And my pantry is overflowing with so many tinctures, powders, and cure-all pills that I could honestly open my own holistic pharmacy. From digestive aids to stress reducers to sleep inducers to who the heck knows what that is or what it’s for, there’s no shortage of supplements that can supposedly help with, well, everything.
While it’s important to get to know supplements and what they’re really good for (PSA: don’t believe everything you read), there’s another burning question that’s always on my mind: What’s the best way to take supplements in the first place?
Sure, popping pills is fast and convenient. And yes, mixing powders with smoothies certainly helps mask less than desirable flavors (cough cough, ashwagandha). But does the way I’m ingesting them really make a difference?
What Are Supplements?
For those who have yet to go buck wild adding every vitamin, mineral, adaptogen, protein powder, and magic elixir to your Amazon cart, supplements are products aimed at enhancing (also known as supplementing) your diet. From herbs to amino acids to enzymes to everything in-between, they come in various forms, like capsules, tablets, powders, and even energy bars.
Still not ringing a bell?
It’s likely someone recommended vitamin C or echinacea last time you had a cold, or suggested probiotics when you complained about your out-of-whack gut. Ever taken vitamin D when you were SAD? Or fish oil for that healthy heart? What about adding protein powder to your post-workout smoothie? Yep, all supplements.
Should I Be Taking Them?
In 2004, one in 10 adults reported taking herbal supplements. As of 2016, 71 percent of adults in the U.S.—more than 170 million!—reported taking dietary supplements. As people become increasingly interested in optimal health, curiosity about all-natural remedies, healing diets, and other holistic measures has piqued.
And while the best way to fuel your body is with a healthy diet, supplements can be a great way to give yourself a boost. (Read: Supplements should be complementary to a healthy lifestyle, not used as band-aids for not-so-healthy ones.) But the best way to figure out what you need isn’t surfing the internet.
"I recommend two things," says Josh Axe, D.N.M., C.N.S., D.C., and founder of Ancient Nutrition and DrAxe.com. "One, be an advocate for your own health. Do your research on any concerns or conditions you may have so that you understand what may help most."
OK, maybe surfing the internet isn't such a bad idea. Just make sure any "facts" you find are actually that—and that they're backed by science.
"Second, I recommend working with a like-minded medical practitioner," he says. "Your chosen professional should be able to understand the effectiveness and interactions of any supplements you may be (or want to start) taking, and will be able to examine your medical history, symptoms, and any relevant tests to custom-design a supplement program for you, should they suggest you could benefit from it."
That said, consultations and tests don’t come cheap. So if you’re looking to keep things simple, Dr. Axe says that he's seen positive results when people take the following supplement staples. But as always, check with your doctor first before filling your shopping cart:
- Probiotics: These gut-friendly microorganisms have a slew of benefits, like improving the immune system, preventing and treating gastrointestinal issues, and supporting skin health.
- Vitamin D: While you may think that reaching for vitamin C is the way to go when it comes to colds, vitamin D is actually where it’s at. It’s also been shown to help treat depression and strengthen our bones.
- Protein Powder: You're likely no stranger to this well-known post-workout powder. Not only does it help smoothies taste like milkshakes, but it also may help our muscles recover and potentially promote a healthy body weight.
- Turmeric: Golden latte, anyone? This medicinal herb (and popular spice) is anti-inflammatory and may even help treat cancer.
Where Do I Buy Them?
If you’ve ever wandered down the aisles of health foods stores in search of a supplement, you know how overwhelming it can be. Tinctures, tablets, powders, capsules… all with varying doses, sold by countless brands, with prices all over the board, and mixed into so many combos that you end up cross-eyed. I often leave with several bottles and jars and more confused (and broke) than ever.
And it's not just me. Even health professionals find picking the right supplement tricky.
“This is one of the hardest things to tackle," says Tara Coleman, a clinical nutritionist who started her career as a chemist in the biopharmaceutical industry. "Supplement companies are regulated as food rather than drugs so they don’t follow the same rigorous testing and verification that our pharmaceuticals do."
Case in point: A review done by Vox in 2016 showed that more than 850 dietary supplements contained illegal and/or hidden ingredients. Gulp. These included banned drugs, pharmaceuticals like anti-depressants, and other chemicals that have never been tested on humans. Double gulp.
While I’m not convinced we should abandon supplements entirely, I am convinced that buying them from a reputable company is the best way to ensure supplement safety—and effectiveness.
"Products that are available at reputable retail locations (Whole Foods, for example) will often go through a rigorous compliance review," Dr. Axe says. "Products with outside certifications (like USDA certified organic) would also go through more testing. I like to give Whole Foods as a baseline because its standards for manufactured supplements are even stricter than the FDA’s."
As for online shopping... not so much.
"I would be concerned about products available only online (either through the company's own website or a marketplace reseller, such as Amazon) or late-night infomercial products," Dr. Axe adds. "These tend to have the most issues with quality, compliance, and adulteration."
Another pro tip: Look for third-party verification, which is a stamp of approval from a company with expertise in quality assessment that is not associated with the manufacturer. Good ones to look for include United States Pharmacopeia (USP), NSF International, and Consumer Lab.
"Companies that choose to put themselves through additional testing to prove the quality or potency do so at their own expense," Coleman says. "Typically this is a sign of integrity and transparency and speaks highly of the company."
As for the way we take them, that’s a little simpler—and less scary. (Phew.)
The Best Way to Take Supplements
I love adding powders to smoothies and lattes, will occasionally (and begrudgingly) down a tincture, and have been known to swallow up to 10 pills at once (don't worry, just herbal). My choices have mostly been based on flavor and convenience and less so because I thought the way I consumed them actually mattered.
Does it?
“As a rule of thumb, the order of bioavailability (meaning your body can actually use it) typically goes liquid or tincture, powder, and then capsules,” Coleman says.
But there doesn't seem to be a huge—or scientifically proven—difference.
"Many sources claim that a liquid-based supplement is the most ideal for absorption, but that type of assumption has yet to be proven," Dr. Axe says. "Typically, how you take a supplement depends on how much your body may need or be able to use. For example, a protein powder scoop would typically have to be divided into 30+ capsules for you to get the same amount in one serving."
Protein powder capsules? Maybe not such a great way to give your body what it needs. But for something like ashwagandha, which is often consumed in small servings (typically no more than a teaspoon) and doesn't have the best taste, capsules are just fine. And considering many supplements require prolonged use to see the benefits, bioavailability may not actually be so important—depending on your needs.
As with most health-related things, it’s also about you assessing your own lifestyle and needs. Not everyone can stomach the bitter taste of tinctures, and similarly, not everyone wants to (or can) swallow numerous pills. In fact, some may not even be able to stomach pills.
"The downside to capsules is that there is a small percentage of people that may not react well to the material that the capsule is made from," Coleman says.
And while the material of supplement capsules—and our ability to digest them—is widely contested, it's something to watch out for (says someone who actually showed signs of inflammation in their stomach, which their gastroenterologist guessed was from all those supplements).
So yes, there are a few things to consider, but really it comes down to—surprise, surprise—you. And once you've picked your poison (slash method of choice), here are few supplemental tips to keep in mind:
- To help break up clumps—which is a common frustration when using powders—use a blender, milk frother, or shaker bottle (like a Blender Bottle). They're easy, fast, and (almost) lump-free.
- Mix tinctures with eight ounces of water or a splash of juice to help subdue the flavor. That said, if you’re a 'rip off the band-aid' kind of person, there’s no harm in going straight down the hatch, Coleman says.
- If you're worried about the material capsules are made from, sprinkle the contents into liquid and drink them instead. (Though Dr. Axe says that modern supplement capsules are more easily digestible and break down within seconds.)
- With some supplements, what you take them with actually matters. Fat-soluble vitamins, for example, need fat present to be fully absorbed. Vitamin C also helps iron absorb, so they should be taken together. Calcium, on the other hand, can compete with iron, so calcium supplements should be taken a few hours after an iron-rich meal.
- Additionally, some supplements can negatively interact with medication, making them less effective, and in some cases, even dangerous.
- Have I mentioned that consulting a health professional is really helpful?
The Takeaway
Unfortunately, supplements simply aren’t that simple. To get the most out of them, you need to understand what they can actually do and how to best integrate them into your life. And because each supplement is different, as is each individual taking it, it's best to get guidance from a health professional as opposed to trusting the internet.
But I know that's easier said than done. So when it comes to supplements, make sure to buy the good stuff—from the brands that make it well—and make sure to thoroughly investigate before popping any pills or sipping any super drinks.
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The Right Way To Breathe When Running
Easy Cheese Souffle
Don’t let the word souffle intimidate you. This swiss chard, parmesan and cottage cheese concoction will make you feel fancy without the price tag.
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Total body workout with 1 dumbbell
This is a workout you can do with a single dumbbell! It’s perfect for those times when you can only find one dumbbell, but still want to get a great sweat.
Hi friends! How are ya? Liv graduates from kindergarten today, so I’ll probably be a weepy emotional mess. They say it happens fast. They don’t lie. After her ceremony, I’m excited to spend the morning celebrating with her. I’m also enjoying a much-needed off day after crushing this week’s Lean Machine workouts in addition to 2 Heart Rize fitness classes. I’d love to hear what you have going on!
For today, I have an all-new workout for ya! This is for a problem that I commonly have…so I’m interested to hear if this ever happens to you, too. We have quite a few pairs of dumbbells around the house, but I feel like very often, I can only find one in a set. This is also probably because I have rogue dumbbells rolling around the trunk of my car from shooting workout pics with Lindsay. Sometimes when I can only find one dumbbell, it inspires me to think out of the box. It also encourages me to do more unilateral strength training work!
Why is unilateral training important? When we do both sides of an exercise at once, either using a machine, dumbbells, TRX, or barbell, it’s much easier for us to *cheat* and let the dominant side take over. For this reason, it can encourage muscle imbalances and altered movement patterns from depending on the stronger muscle. By training each side, one at a time, it enables us to really focus on that side, using proper form, and encourage balance on both sides.
Here’s a workout I put together using only 1 dumbbell!
It’s a total body workout you can do anywhere.
(Tank // leggings // sneakers)
Here’s what it looks like:
Exercises and form cues:
-Weighted lunge: Take one huge step forward, and keep your feet in line with your hips. Try to keep your torso perpendicular to the floor as you sink down into your lunge. As you lunge, watch the front knee to make sure it stays stacked above the front ankle. As you rise, actively think about trying to squeeze your legs together.
-Low lunge pass: Take one huge step forward, and keep your feet in line with your hips. Try to keep your torso perpendicular to the floor as you sink down into your lunge. As you lunge, watch the front knee to make sure it stays stacked above the front ankle. Hold this low lunge as you pass the weight around your front leg (either at the thigh or down towards the shin, but watch your chest and core). Pass the weight under 10 times. As you rise, actively think about trying to squeeze your legs together.
-Curtsy lunge to plie squat: Cross one leg back and behind the other, and come down into a curtsy lunge. The front foot stays flat on the ground and the back foot has the heel raised off the floor. Then step the back foot forward and out wide for a pliƩ squat. As you sink down, keep your chest lifted and endeavor to get your thighs parallel to the floor. Make sure your knees extend towards your toes but not past your toes.
-Double plie squat jump: Get into a plie squat position (feet wide and booty LOW), and pulse twice. Touch the floor. Keep your abs engaged and chest lifted. Powering through your heels, spring up, reaching your arms towards the ceiling. Land with a soft knee. Repeat. For even more intensity: hold a dumbbell at your chest.
-1-leg dumbbell reach: Hold one dumbbell in both hands, and stand with one leg behind the opposite leg. Tilt forward and lift the back leg off the floor, reaching the dumbbell overhead (slight bend in the elbows). Try to keep your hips parallel to the floor. Return to standing.
-Squat with knee twist: Make sure your feet are underneath your shoulders (hip width or slightly wider is good) and toes slightly turned out. Focus on sitting back, while keeping your chest lifted and a tight core. Inhale to lower, exhale to rise. Make sure that your knees go towards your toes, but not far past your toes. Push into your heels as you rise, then bend one knee to lift the leg and twist towards it. Lower leg and repeat.
-Hamstring curls: Lie on your stomach and place one dumbbell in between your feet. Place your head on your hands, and keep your spine straight. Exhale to squeeze your glutes and bend your knees, lifting the dumbbell. Lower down with control to repeat.
-Woodchop: Start with you legs hip width apart, knees bent. Hold the dumbbell to the outside of your left leg. Lift the dumbbell diagonally across your body, pivoting on your left foot and twisting your torso, ending with arms raised to the right. Control the movement as you go back to start and repeat 10x on each side.
-Overhead side bend: Hold one dumbbell in both hands, and stand with your feet a little farther than hip-distance apart. Keep your chest lifted and core tight as you tilt your torso to one side. Exhale to use your obliques and return to upright position. Repeat on the opposite side.
Please let me know if you give it a try!
See ya soon.
xo
Gina
In the photos above, I’m wearing my fave new leggings + this super lightweight tank from Zella. They’re both amazing for strength training, cardio, barre, running, and yoga.
(with these sneakers)
Photos: Lindsay Colson
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When Meditation Can Actually Be Dangerous
After my husband ended our marriage over the telephone, I signed up for a 10-day silent meditation retreat. I'd been told that practicing this type of meditation, called vipassana, would result in limitless love, compassion, and goodwill. I wanted those things so desperately, I was willing to lie to get in.
Ten days of meditating for nine hours a day without distraction is an objectively grueling journey. But I'd tried therapy, yoga, and sex already, and my heart was still broken. So I didn't mention my past—and besides, I didn't think my history applied.
Years before, I had abused alcohol and drugs, but by the time I signed up for the retreat, I hadn't touched either in a decade. I had tried Paxil and therapy in the years since, but I hadn't experienced anything like what I went through when I was using. Nonetheless, I vowed to be vigilant: If I stopped sleeping well or experienced racing thoughts, I'd leave. It never occurred to me that the practice itself might cause problems.
Vipassana meditation focuses on observing bodily sensations without commenting on them. The idea is that when we remove the inner monologue, we can see how our perception of reality, at its most basic level, is a crafted story. But the process of dissolving the personal narrative can be destabilizing and has been known to hurt people as well as help them.
Meditation has a history of problems.
Last year, researchers at Brown University released a study showing that meditators often report feelings of fear, anxiety, panic, and paranoia. This isn't news to experienced meditation teachers, who will readily acknowledge that meditation students often experience bad effects, and say that they are to be expected.
Brown isn't the first to publish research that delves into the potentially problematic nature of meditation. The Buddha Pill: Can Meditation Change You? cites an older study, which suggests that 63 percent of participants in meditation retreats have suffered at least one negative consequence, such as anxiety, confusion, and disorientation.
Of course, there are challenges associated with these kinds of studies, including the self-reported nature of the results, the relatively small number of studies themselves, and external factors, such as the fact that people drawn to contemplative practice are often already in crisis.
But the fact remains that for some, the consequences of intensive meditation can be dire. In June 2018, some 10 weeks after attending a 10-day silent meditation retreat, 25-year-old Megan Vogt killed herself by jumping from a bridge in Pennsylvania near her Maryland home. In the note she left behind, Vogt wrote, "I remember what I did at the retreat. I finally got that memory. I can't live with me."
While the kind of meditation-induced psychosis that Vogt experienced is rare, her story felt familiar. I also had managed to complete my 10-day retreat. And like Megan, the real trouble cropped up afterward as I experienced regular thoughts of suicide, from the more idle what-if-I-just-dropped-into-the-train-tracks to more plan-based thoughts, like where-would-I-find-pills-that-would-really-do-the-job type.
I didn't tell anyone, believing that if I kept meditating, I'd eventually figure out what was wrong with me. Meanwhile, my practice kept me so morbidly fixated on my flaws that I kept finding more.
But there are some very enticing upsides too.
As the Brown study reveals, after fear and panic, "positive affect" is the next most commonly reported sensation meditators experience. And this was true for me too: After the retreat, I had more energy and often felt that I was better able to cope with stressful situations. But my life still wasn't where I wanted it to be; I needed to do something different and remained convinced that I could figure out what was blocking my ability to live life to the fullest through this same form of meditation.
My pratice kept me so morbidly fixated on my flaws that I kept finding more.
So two years after my initial retreat, I went back for another, hoping that a second meditation retreat would simply amplify the positive outcomes I'd experienced. Instead, I just ended up flipping through the same reels of intel about the end of my marriage. Finally, by the end of my second session, I wrote, "I don't hate myself enough to do this to myself."
The world of meditation needs to be better prepared to handle mental health challenges.
Megan Vogt's application for the meditation retreat included the fact that she suffered from anxiety and was on medication, and she even got a doctor's approval to participate. But the organizers of her retreat were aware that Vogt's condition was deteriorating and still didn't send her home.
While devastating, this isn't necessarily surprising news to those who have done retreats. The centers aren't run by trained clinicians but by volunteers who rarely have medical backgrounds. And they've been known to make other horrific mistakes. For instance, Annie Gurton, HG.Dip.P., says she was once barred outright from leaving a vipassana retreat. She calls the organizers "dictatorial" and says that while she was mentally stable at the time, "someone frailer or who had serious mental issues might have found it repressive and abusive. If they were paranoid, it would have fed into those thoughts."
Pain is part of the process.
Despite the prevailing narrative, the truth is that comfort is not the objective of meditation.
"It's natural for meditation, especially mindfulness practice, to arouse anxiety in some people, and this can be a valuable part of a healing process," says Tara Brach, a clinical psychologist and author of Radical Acceptance.
In other words, transformation can be messy. Unlike a trip to the hairdresser, where you take your seat and—with zero effort on your part—are made new, shedding one's metaphorical skin is hard work, a kind of work that isn't always appropriate for people who are handling mental health concerns—at least not the way it's often presented.
"This doesn't only happen to people who are doing intensive retreats," says Willoughby Britton, one of the researchers from Brown. But she doesn't blame the meditators, especially those with a history of trauma. "This is fueling a kind of discrimination that could prevent certain groups from having access to these practices. 'They did it wrong' is just another way of victim-blaming."
We need to stop hyping meditation as a cure-all.
As the juggernaut of wellness rolls forward, the emphasis on the feel-good benefits of meditation has reached ludicrous proportions. Meditation has become so mainstream that Oprah and Deepak Chopra offer a 21-day class, and it's touted as a cure for everything from sleep deprivation to heart disease. I've seen numerous classes advertising that you can "create the life you want through meditation."
The most important thing to realize is that meditation-related anxiety is real and can have devastating consequences.
The idea that meditation can be consumed for your health like a bowl of steamed kale isn't just objectionable, it's damaging. In my experience, not only do different people need different styles of contemplative practice, individual needs vary and can change over time.
More forms of meditation should be offered as positive alternatives.
"Just like finding the right exercise for someone who is physically challenged, it's possible to find a style of meditation practice that serves someone with symptoms of trauma," Brach says.
For years, I'd labored under the assumption that if meditation wasn't making me more successful in life, love, and work, then obviously there was something wrong with me. It was sheer luck that I stumbled onto alternative practices that softened my experience.
One method I've found useful: taking short moments, which is exactly what it sounds like—you just close your eyes for a moment or two to plug into your internal reality. I've found this to be not only freeing, but effective, and it's similar to other types of meditation practice, including visualization (where you draw something in your mind's eye) and chanting (where you repeat a phrase).
I began incorporating these techniques and more. These days, I've learned the value in changing up my practice rather than feeling miserable. If the main thing I feel when I sit down to meditate is anxiety, I'll go in a different direction. I'll focus on breathing exercises, I might take a mindful walk, or I might listen to a guided meditation (Tara Brach's website offers several).
There is no style of meditation that's guaranteed to resolve specific trauma, so if you're experiencing difficulty, it's important to find a teacher you trust to guide you—even if it means moving onto another form of practice.
The most important thing to realize is that meditation-related anxiety is real and can have devastating consequences. The challenges don't mean there's something wrong with you or that you need to "push through." The concept that life is suffering is unrelated to self-induced misery—especially if you want to get to the joy that can come with regular practice.
Lisa L. Kirchner is the author of Hello American Lady Creature: What I Learned as a Woman in Qatar. She is currently at work on The Joyseeker: Chasing Salvation in India, the story of the decade she spent looking for answers to the wrong question. More at lisalkirchner.com or on social @lisakirchner.
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